This Is How I Forget [Tag Morgan and Anyone Else]

[Krys Robin]

She had woken up in the hospital, stitches on her wrists. People she didn't really know fawning over her. She had messed up, more so in the suicide attempt because now she felt like everyone, people she didn't even know, were gaping at her, fawning over her. This was the exact opposite of what she had wanted. She had wanted to disappear. Yet she did not. Now Krys had never had a huge belief in God, with her past who would, but by all calculations she should have died. She did the cuts, she bled, but for some reason here she was in the hospital cot.

Day after day went by with minimal visitors more so from Counter Terror's own orders than from people's free will. They liked to keep things quiet, especially things as concerning as an agent going off the deep end. All things considered they were doing the equivalent of sweeping the dust under the rug. This time, Krys Robin was the dust. Agents from the BAU had been turned away, sometimes forcably, numerous times. Penelope Garcia had been dragged away, Spencer Reid (surprisingly determined) had been shoved and threatened away at least several times in the past day alone.

Matt and Hayley had been by twice. Matt didn't say much, Krys expected that he was disappointed though Hayley, when they were alone, informed her that it was nothing of the sort. He was just upset. Krys felt guilty, even more so for the pain she had once again accidentally caused. Could she never do anything right? Matthew couldn't even look at her, this upset her even more as she always had regarded Matthew as a father figure. He looked out for her... How could he do so when he couldn't even make eye contact? Luckily Hayley took matters into her own hands and did the 'motherly' thing and made them talk it out. This ended with both in tears and a surprised, stunned Krys hugged in Matthew's arms where she sat on the cot. It was progress and in the end it let her know that people cared... And that she had a problem.

She was feeling guilty all over again, even worse than the first time and yet she knew that ripping the stitches out would do no good. She needed to get better... And she couldn't do that here. She had to leave. Go away. Take a leave of absence. She had already been cleared by Counter Terror (Matt and Hayley helped to arrange it) so everyone in their branch was in the know. Really Krys should have stayed in the hospital another day but she was eager, as much as she could be, just to leave. Someone from her team would be picking her up in the SUV outside to drive her to the airport. From there... Anything could happen. She hadn't told anyone from BAU... Not even Spencer. She just couldn't bring herself to pick up the phone, she doubted that she could even look at him, not with all that she was feeling.

Her converse clad feet moved across her hospital room tiles, finally out of the hospital robe and damn greatful for it. Brown hair in a messy ponytal she wore a black coat and a scarf around her neck, though it wasn't tied. Toward the corner of the room was a bag containing the few posessions she had brought with her. She couldn't pick them up, the doctors didn't want her to push it with using her hands (the evidence of what had happened evident by the bandages wrapped around her wrists hidden by two colored sweatbands). Hopefully whoever picked her up could help.

Even so, Krys did her best with her stubborn self to accomplish something as she then attempted to nudge her messenger bag toward the door with her feet.

[Kate Saunders]

It had been a very odd few months. Kate had been going through more and more. First Krys was kidnapped and because Kate was so insensitive she had run away from that, only making Matt madder and madder at her. Then 9/11 came around and the jerks of bosses she had didn't give her the day off, meaning she was forced to show a side of herself that she never wanted anyone to see. And even worse was what she ended up telling Hayley. Luckily Matt was to preoccupied with his favorite little girl Krys to realize the pain the other woman had been in. Not that he cared about Kate's well fair anyway, Kate had decided that a few months earlier when the virus had broken out. That was actually when all this started to happen. As Krys' condition continued to make little progress not only was Matt getting more sour toward Kate, who still had to act like she didn't care that much for the other woman or else admit she cared about someone other than herself. I truth Kate was worried sick for Krys, she was just about the only one that probably knew what was going on in the other woman's head. Kate herself had been contemplating suicide over the last few weeks, and so in a way she knew that Krys was planing something. However Kate never said a word, not to Krys, not to Matt. She was hoping that she was wrong, and even if she wasn't she felt like if Krys wasn't to kill herself than she should. It was the way things went. If Matt tried to stop Kate from committing suicide she would have hated him.

But when it actually happened Kate couldn't help but feel responsible. She had been stopped not to at least talk to Krys. What had she been thinking? It wasn't like krys actually wanted to kill herself. She was just confused, and Kate knew that more than anyone else. There was a fine line between the two and Kate had been on either side. Maybe she really wanted to other dead. Maybe it was to hurt Matt or maybe it was to hurt her, or to give her a reason to leave. She wasn't to sure why she did it, but one way or another she blamed herself for what had happened. Just like Matt and even Hayley did. Everyone felt like they could have done something to help her. Yet Kate seemed to have the only true guilt. Even if she wasn't the cause of the tragedy she had been the only one that hadn't been there fully for the girl as she tried to get through it.

That was why when they heard of her suicide attempt Kate had gone to Washington with Matt and Chez. She had even visited Krys in the hospital, once with the rest of the team, and two other times when neither of the other teammates had been around. And when Krys decided to take a leave of absence Kate was afraid that she knew what was going on. She was doing what Kate would have done, what she wanted to do, run. Kate knew Robin was very stubborn and couldn't be talked out of it but when the job of taking her to the airport came up Kate was the first one to offer to do it. Whether it was by a miracle or an accident Kate was granted with the "honor". Thus she found herself at the hospital. Taking a large breath she entered the all to familiar room to see Krys trying to get her stuff ready. Seeing the Tech made Kate thing of the first words she had said to Krys Robin when they were alone. "Looks like to beat me to it." Of course she had been referring to the attempted suicide. In those few words Kate had relieved more about herself then any other time. Walking into the room with out a word she made her way to the bag and picked it up. Looking at Krys, who still looked pale and sickly, she asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

[Krys Robin]

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Krys looked up a bit surprised when her bag was picked up by Kate who had managed to sneak into the room. Krys hated to admit it but she was more surprised by the person than the action. She would have expected Hayley to pick her up, Jack, maybe even Matt but Kate would have been on the end of that list not because Krys had any ill will toward her but because Kate never gave an inkling of kindness directed toward her. In fact, the woman seemed more concerned with pushing other people away than helping for the well being of a group like CT required.

Krys had been raised in a solitary environment until Mat 'rescued' her and brought her to the group environment (all for one and one for all) so the analyst had taken to it naturally. She practically leapt into the arms of her teammates out of the desire to be surrounded by people and to not go forgotten. Kate was different. She didn't seem to need that connection, or anything from anyone. In this way her and Krys were also opposites.

"Yeah. I'm sure." Krys would have before quipped with a good joke, something sarcastic like 'it's either this or return to work like a bug under a microscope' but lately she just didn't have it in her. There was a lot of mending that needed to happen before she could even think about being back in that 'place' with herself. Brown eyes that were once so bold and daring when opposite another now shyly looked to the floor, avoiding eye contact as though she was afraid if it was established, she might implode.

"I need to go. Just... Somewhere away from her... From work." Hopefully Kate would understand. She probably knew what was going to happen. A drive to the airport, from there Krys would fly to Long Island, spend a few nights at home but after that it was blank. She had confided in Hayley that she might go back upstate for a while (where she had grown up). The Bureau had agreed to pay for living expenses and 'damages' for six months so maybe she'd take them up on that. Gosh, how she hated being a statistic.

Then, out of no where her voice broke into the room as she dared to peer up at the woman. "What about you?"

[Kate Saunders]

"Yeah. I'm sure." Kate hadn't been expecting some heart felt reply where the analysis finally spills her guts. Not after all the time that had had to do it for some one who was much better suited for the job. She would have thought she would tell Matt what was going on, but never did she even think that Kate would have been the one to come and pick her up. Yet the undercover agent needed to have her last good bye. She needed Krys to know that she really did care about her. That all the time she spent trying to get as far away from her wasn't because she didn't like her. it was to protect her. Though she couldn't come right out and say this, she needed to do something. Maybe it was to show Matt the softer side of her, more rather than Krys. She wasn't sure.

Kate watched Krys carefully as she continued with her explanation of why she was leaving. She Understood better what she was talking about then she knew the other agent knew. Sometimes it was to hard to get through it all. Sometimes you just had to give in and get away. Kate was thinking more and more about doing the same thing. But now that Krys had beat her to it she had to wait. She couldn't leave the team now that they were a man down, even if it was from the wrong part of the team, and everyone else in CT would love to have Kate Saunders gone. Nor could she try and kill herself, because that would be a cliche, and everyone would probably pay to much attention to it. So she was stuck in the CT unit for at least a few more months, or until Krys decided to come back, because until Kate she knew Krys couldn't away that long. This was her home and people actually cared about her. Even more so she couldn't leave Spencer Reid that long. They cared to much for each other.

"Good enough for me." Kate said shifting the bag in her hand. She knew that she was being to blunt for the situation, but it was hard for her to do anything but it, and ever sense she split her heart out to Chez, at least it felt like she had, she found having actually interaction even harder. There was a pause as Kate tried to lower her tone make it sound like she wasn't happy to see the girl go. "Well... um... if your ready then lets go..." She said. What she had said was truly how she felt in a way, but it came out as if she was acting, of course Krys wouldn't see the difference, or maybe she would after listening and watching to most off of her undercover ops. Which was who Kate was playing this, as just another undercover operation that she had to be someone else, a sensitive, caring woman, for.

[Krys Robin]

Kate avoided her question. Krys should have guessed as much and she certainly wasn't bitter about it. At least it didn't come as a surprise. It was nice to know that not everyone was afraid of her or coddling her after what had happened. Krys glanced to the bag that Kate was holding and then down at her own bandages wrists. She felt useless. She wasn't even able to carry her ow luggage, she wouldn't be able to type for two weeks (but knowing her she'd probably weasel around that little rule). And as badly as she needed one, she wouldn't be able to hug either.

Krys began to move toward the door, quiet at first though she was plagued by her own thoughts which eventually stopped her. She glanced over her shoulder at the room, still for a moment in time and then looked back to Kate. "Can you make sure that he's alright?" This could have meant Matt or Spencer, perhaps both. Both needed looking after. It was only then that she dwindled the comment down to one.

"Spencer, he doesn't like to--" Her voice was hard to come by so she made herself swallow in search of it. With all of her might she dragged the words right out of her. "He doesn't like to do things outside of what is com-co-comfortable. So maybe if just, maybe if you give him a little push once in a while he'll..." Her words trailed off as did her eyes which were now directed to the ground. At least she had managed to get that much out before her voice gave out.

[Kate Saunders]

When Krys started for the door with out saying a word Kate didn't push her. She didn't have to talk if she didn't want to. Kate knew how it felt to be forced into sharing, and she hated it. One of her rules, that no one knew about, was to never do on to someone what she didn't want done of her. That's why when Chez had asked about her past Kate had shared because at the same time Chez was sharing her own past. Something Kate wouldn't ask about unless she was willing to give something of herself up. Kate watched the analysis move closer to the door and was about to start to follow her out when she stopped and turned around, obviously wanting to say something else.

"Can you make sure that he's alright?" Kate wasn't sure if she wanted her to watch Matt or Spencer Reid. Either one she would watch out for. Reid had saved her life once so it was the least she could do for him, as well as to help out Krys, who Kate cared a lot about. And Matt. Well no matter how much he seemed to hate her she was still cared for him. She knew just how broken the other man really was, and knew just how much the last few weeks events had hurt him. She would stay with him and watch out for him for how ever long Krys was gone. And once she came back and she knew that he was okay, as well as krys being okay, then Kate would go. "I will.' she muttered far to softly to be the "real Kate".

Next Krys started to talk about Spencer. Kate knew just how much Krys loved him, and she wished that they could have a happy ending. Yet some how she felt like there couldn't be a happy ending in this story. There never seemed to be. "I'll take him paint-balling with me and Matt, shot him a few times. That'll loosen him up." She smiled at the other woman trying to make a joke. Then she walked over to Krys and placed a hand on her shoulder, something Kate never did. In a soft voice, again to genital to be Kate's she said, "Don't worry Krys, I'll keep everyone safe until you return, then you can go back to do that, okay?" She smiled, trying to make Krys feel better.

[Krys Robin]

"I'll take him paint-balling with me and Matt, shot him a few times. That'll loosen him up."

Krys nodded, choking on a bit of a weak smile as she gave a little laugh, or what had attempted to be a laugh. Her cheeks even gained the slightest bit of color. But there was no more happiness than that, and as quickly as it had surfaced it was gone again, though there was an underlying sense of hope as she took a step in approach.

"And ma-maybe make him eat nachos. With lots of melted cheese." Leave it to Krys to find this of the upmost importance. Memories of the first time her and Spencer had met flooded into her head. Arcade games, darkness, blinking lights, melted cheese on his chin as he gave her an embarassed look. It had happened, and yet, when it played back in her mind, she couldn't help but feel that it was a movie. Something so distant that it was never attainable again. It was something she could now, only watch from afar.

"And make sure that he sleeps. He doesn't like to and then he drinks a lot of coffee and tries to pass it off as being awake like I do. So make sure he doesn't pull that." Her steps grew quicker in fashion as she was now directly behind Kate like a puppy. "And make sure he ice skates, rollerblades, and sometimes maybe goes to the arcade.." She was getting a bit carried away, as much as she could in this state, and she knew it. It was for the best that she hadn't told Spencer she'd be leaving. It was for the best that she didn't see him. It would hurt too much and she might even rethink her decision. No. She couldn't let this happen. She couldn't hurt him. She couldn't hurt herself... again.

"Don't worry Krys, I'll keep everyone safe until you return, then you can go back to do that, okay?"

At the hand on her shoulder she instinctively took a step back. For every step forward that the data analyst had managed to take, the event that had landed her in the hospital and the kidnapping had sent her back at least a dozen. There was a alot of healing to do.

"Okay." She responded, her eyes on the floor. It was quite apparent that Krys wasn't too keen about 'coming back' in the sense that she extremely doubted it. But she wasn't about to say that to Kate.

[Kate Saunders]

Kate knew that Krys really didn't want to go. A part of her knew that she would be okay here, that she needed Spencer. She could tell by the way she talked about him. She went on and on about what he should do, reliving the entire time they had been together. She wanted to still have that, and yet she was leaving. Kate wanted to talk her out of it, make her realize the mistake that she was making. Yet Kate wasn't 100% sure it was a mistake. Maybe it was what she needed; to get out of the CT unit for a little, clear her mind. Get back to where she was before. Then she could come back and live happily ever after. Kate hoped that was the case and never once did it accrued to her that Krys wasn't thinking about coming back. Kate couldn't imagine Krys doing anything other than what she did. She couldn't imagine her finding happiness with anyone else.

Nodding to Krys' okay, trying to ignore the flinch she got when she touched her, Kate started to move off down the hallway to get to the car. She knew that something else was on her mind, but she didn't care. Maybe it had been a mistake deciding to take her. It felt like 9/11 all over again. Unable to think straight, feeling like everyone knew what she was thinking. She didn't feel like the woman with the mask on anymore. it was a feeling that was becoming all to often. She couldn't back out now. She had to follow through with the task. Even if she didn't want to do it. She didn't want to watch Krys leave. It would be to much like the last time she saw her family. Only this time she knew she was going to the young lady again. And id she decided not to come back then Matt would drag her back with his teeth, Kate had to smile at that thought. It faded quickly because she didn't want Krys to see it. Kate knew that she should break the silence that had formed around the white walled hall but couldn't find the words to do so.

[Krys Robin]

Krys followed behind Kate toward her car (or so she figured). The analyst actually managed to remain quiet for a good portion of the distance. Sometimes she wished to cry out for seemingly no reason. To exclaim how she was feeling, how much she hurt, what she needed. But truth be told she wasn't even sure what that was, and in the end anything that involved her needs was selfish, not necessarily. Her own past had managed to force her down that thought pattern.

She momentarily watched he feet fall atop the tiles. Black converse sneakers. God, she wanted another pair. If it was up to her she would have ever color and the special edition comic book ones too. Oh god, she was drifting again. She was avoiding and she damn well knew it. Looking back up her eyes were met with the back of Kate's head and her curly brown hair.

"Matt doesn't hate you, you know." She stated point blank, out of nowhere. Yet, for some reason, she felt the need to. Those two were always bickering and never did enough talking. No one ever did enough talking. Once again her mind drifted off toward Spencer but she forced it to reassert itself. "He's just protective of you. He's protective of everybody." Hopefully Kate would understand. There wasn't much else Krys could say to reassure her other than to put her word out there and have her take it for what it was worth.

Shaking her head she decided she hated being useless and marched to Kate's side to grab her bag only to find that a shooting pain shot through her wrists. Crying out she took a step back, removing herself from the situation with a curse under her breath. She felt something sting in her eyes but did not cry. Instead she lifted her arms up just high enough to study the bandages that were there. What had she done? What was she doing? Why could she never do anything right? Well, she'd do one thing right and that was to not tell Spencer where she was going or even that she was leaving.