All That I Bleed - {Spencer Reid}

[Dr. Spencer Reid]

Entree #1

August 10, 2009
11:30pm

I run from hate
I run from prejudice
I run from pessimists
But I run too late

I run my life
Or is it running me
Run from my past
I run too fast
Or too slow it seems

When lies become the truth
That's when I run to you

This world keeps spinning faster
Into a new disaster so I run to you
I run to you baby
And when it all starts coming undone
Baby you're the only one I run to
I run to you

We run on fumes
Your life and mine
Like the sands of time
Slippin' right on through
And our love's the only truth
That's why I run to you

It's been five days sense I was in New York. The virus threat in itself was hard enough, what I found most difficult was that it was Krys' birthday... I guess I haven't had much time to write lately, so I haven't written about her... not that anyone should be reading this... I am mean.... Anyway Krys Robin is a girl that I meet at the college during a lecture. She works in New York with the counter terror unit, but some times come down to Virgina for lectures and work. Some kids were making fun of her. After that we went to the arcade and hung out a little, not much to say there.... The fact is we became really good friends. Which is all you really need to know... not that anyone is reading this.

The point is me and Garcia had planed a surprise birthday party for her, after all she had never had a birthday party before. Her life hasn't been the very best, but I'll get to that later. But right before the party we got called into a case, a virus had been released in New York, two were already dead and hundreds in the hospital. One was Kara for the plane crash a month or so before.

This meant of course the party was off and we had to go to work. Luckily I was able to tell her what her present was. And it was the high of my day. She actually hugged me that day, a real hug, not one of those tense ones. And the light in her eye was so amazing.... It was short lived however, because only seconds later I notice a white fog coming into the room and quickly pushed Krys out. Luckily she didn't get infected, I did though. But I would do the same thing as many times as I had to to save Krys. The only draw back was that I had to watch as she watched me die. I hated every minute. I could deal with the pain, but I couldn't deal with her's, and knowing that I was the reason she was in so much pain was even worse. I wish she would have left me in that room alone, but she wouldn't live. But now that I look back on it, I'm glade she was there. I'm glade that I had someone there for me.

But then I didn't understand my feelings. I still really don't. It wasn't until I meet up with her "boyfriend" Oliver that I realized that this just might be love. I was so anger at him when I found that he was cheating on her, and I was ready to get beaten up to protect her. But something changed. Oliver saw that I really cared for her and turned... I don't know. He became nicer and went to trying to coach me into telling her how I feel. I still haven't been able to tell her though. I just can't. Oliver makes it sound so easy. "Either you win or you lose." But it's not like that. Well it is, but I don't want to lose. I know that I should tell her before something else comes up, someone else decides that they love her also. Or even worse one of us dies. That's something I've been thinking about a lot the last few hours.What if I had died that day. We both work very dangerous jobs, somethings going to happen sometime, and one of us might not make it them. I have to live every moment that I can. Yet I still can't get up the courage to say something... I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to tell her...

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