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Post by Kate Saunders on Sept 11, 2009 17:33:09 GMT -5
It had been eight years to the day that Kate's life was turned upside down. It had been eight years from the day Kathleen died along with her family. She cried every week for the lose of her family, but she would never admit to the lose to anyone else. Not even the people closest to her, even though she kept everyone several arm lengths away, didn't know what her past. Not even Matt who had worked the case. To many people had died that day that he couldn't possible pick four people off a list and realize the connection. And surely he couldn't see one name of a survivor that Kate wasn't even sure if they had such a list, and see her name on it. Not to mention the fact that she was thirteen at the time and had no reason to be at the world trade center. There was no reason to guess what had happened to Kate in the past.
But on this day she was finding to hard to not give it away. She had asked for the day off several months before, knowing that she wanted to be alone, maybe go to the scene of the devastation and participate in the memorial they did. Yet some how she hadn't gotten the day off... She wasn't sure but she figured it was the "higher powers" way of telling her to be nicer. Even though it was the one day she asked to have off in the year she had worked there, and would have been the first day she missed work. It made her mad, which didn't help with keeping herself "normal". In her anger she had actually taken a couple of hits of her heroin in the building, which she normal never did, mainly because she was rarely in the offices, and secondly because she was far more likely to be caught. But it was her way of not only calming herself down, but also telling the bosses to "screw it".
As she sat at her desk, praying that she could at least get a mission to get her mind off it, she found herself shaking. She closed her eyes and found herself in a flashback of that day. Quickly she turned it away, knowing what would happen at the end. Finally after several minutes of fighting back the urge to shout she decided she needed to get out of there. She could still make it to the memorial and actually wanted to. But she knew no one in the building would believe that was what she wanted to do, and she had no will to tell them. She couldn't talk to Jack, he had already ruled she couldn't go, or Matt who was beginning to dislike her more and more as time went on. Most of it was misunderstood and Kate actually found that it hurt sometimes but she also liked it, she didn't want to have to go through the lase she had before. So that left one other person above her that she could talk to, even if she was no where near to her boss Matt wouldn't care if she let Kate go home, he couldn't ever be mad at the liaison.
When Kate made it to the door she opened it, with out knocking, she never knocked. She looked at the other woman, one that she rarely talked to in the past. Not trying to hard to cover the pain in her voice, knowing it would only help get her home. "Hey, I'm sick.Can you tell Matt I went home with the flu or something?" She asked then started to turn away and leave. To get out of there as fast as she could. |
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Post by Hayley "Chez" Chezaneski on Sept 11, 2009 19:28:56 GMT -5
Hayley Chezaneski
I’m the slow dying flower in the frost killing hour,
Sweet turning sovereign, untouchable. [/b] She'd been nineteen, about, living in New York City with her mother. Time back then was measured in how many years it had been since she'd been freed, how many years since her brother had died. It had only been recently that the young woman had changed that outlook.
She'd been much different back then - the difficulties of socializing in high school, and being around so many people who hadn't a clue had left her with even more of a defensive wall than she had now. She'd been completly unable to go near guys without freezing up, highly afraid of small spaces. If she looked back on those days, she could see how much of a miracle it was that she did and loved the job that she did today. She'd made alot of steps since then - not showing her fears, able to handle crowds. Still afraid, but locking it all up inside for the sake of the job she loved. If Matt knew, if Jack knew, she feared they might kick her from the job, thinking she was a danger. She knew that she wasn't.
Her mother and she had been living in a small apartment in Manhatten, close enough to the twin towers to see the smoke rise in the distance. For that day, she'd been the vulnerable girl again, fearing that once again, her world was crashing down. For those around her, it really had crashed down - countless dead, families torn apart forever (much like hers had been). A nation had been disjointed.
Chez pushed a hand through her hair. September 11th was turning out to be a slow day, after all - for the rest of her team, that was. There'd been no cases that had come through, but the liaison always had something to do - paperwork from a previous case, phone calls, damage control - there was always something, and Hayley could usually be found doing it.
"Don't look at me like that." She spoke aloud to the picture of her brother - a picture from when he was six, that was the only photo she had of him - and turned the photo upside down. Sometimes, talking aloud scared her - her father, after all, had gone and killed six woman and a federal agent after hearing his dead son's voice in his head. This, though, Hayley knew was different. It was like the year after he'd died, and she'd still talk to him at night in the basement. When her father had kidnapped a federal agent, she'd asked him about it, if it made her crazy. He'd told her that it made her human.
And now he was dead, too.
Kate Sanders opened the office door and stuck her head in, not giving Hayley any time to put the photo of her brother away, as she usually did when one of her team came in.
"Hey, I'm sick. Can you tell Matt I went home with the flu or something?"
Kate and Hayley didn't talk much - one of them was in the media, one was undercover. They just didn't cross paths as much as the rest of the team, and Kate had seemed to distance herself more and more recently. Though Hayley wasn't a profiler like those at the BAU, she could easily see that something was wrong with Kate. There was anguish in her voice, a voice that was usually good at covering things up - after all, she was an undercover agent, and it was a skill that helped her- but there was more. The younger woman's eyes were red, and she looked shaken.
Hayley knew that her eyes looked surprised. "Hey, wait a minute." She said as the woman started to leave her office. "You don't look alright. I'll tell him, but at least let me drive you home." |
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Post by Kate Saunders on Sept 12, 2009 10:48:41 GMT -5
Kate was half way out the door when Chez called her back. The one thing she hadn't wanted. She just wanted to get out of there as fast as she could, with as little contact with others as she could. She knew she was a wreck, knew that everyone could see it. And when that happened she needed to leave. She couldn't risk the team finding out about her past. It was one thing she didn't want anyone to know. Even if it would explain a lot about her, she didn't want that. She wanted to continue being the distant person who no one liked, or cared about. It was better that way. You didn't get hurt. She wanted the day she died to be a peaceful one. To have very little people mourn over her dead body. She knew she was going to die, and didn't want to hurt anyone when she did. That's what her family had done to her. She wouldn't be that selfish.
When Chez offered to drive Kate home her blood stopped. No one had ever been to her house before. And she wanted it to stay that way. "No!" She answered loudly, and maybe a little to quickly. She knew it had been the wrong thing to do, that it would only raise more red flags. But for some reason she couldn't get her head in the game. She wasn't acting like the Kate she put on for the FBI. She was acting like the Kate she felt like at night while she was trying to fall asleep. Taking a long breath she closed her eyes and leaned against the door frame. "I can drive myself." She said softly figuring it would be the only way to cover up what she had said. She knew that Chez was smarter than that. That she wouldn't leave it at that. If Kate really looked bad enough to need a ride home then the caring women wasn't just going to leave it at that.
Then the thought of what she was going to once she was at her house. How was she going to get to the memorial if she didn't have a care? Or to her families graves, which she suddenly wanted to do. Opening her eyes she say the small picture frame on Chez's desk. Kate had never been in the office before so she didn't know it wasn't always there. What struck her as odd was that Chez never talked about her family, then again Kate barely knew her so she let it slide away. There was no room her Kate's mind to think about anything else. She had to focus on keeping herself as "normal" as she could until she was able to be alone. |
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Post by Hayley "Chez" Chezaneski on Sept 12, 2009 20:15:47 GMT -5
"You're not driving yourself." Hayley said, firmly, crossing her arms across her chest. "I don't want to read about how you passsed out on the wheel on the five o clock news, Kate." The media liaison was only half kidding. "Besides, if I let you go home and you manage to actually crash, I'll be the one to hear it from Jack." She smiled, holding out her hand for the keys. There was definitly something off with Kate - she seemed too ansty, but then again, Chez didn't know her that well.
"I can drive you somewhere else than home?" She offered when she was offered the same negative response as the first time. "Come on, it won't hurt - we can pick something up at CVS is you need to." She was trying her best to offer- she was getting the gut feeling that she got when she saw a case and knew they had to take it. The feeling that told her it had to take precedent over whatever else they were doing, or people were going to die.
She held out her hands in a sign of innocence. "I'm just here to help, really." Kate's eyes traveled to the turned down picture frame that was usually never on her desk, and she hated the fact that she had that sign of herself that wasn't usually there.
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Post by Kate Saunders on Sept 12, 2009 21:29:20 GMT -5
Kate watched Chez carefully. There was no way she was getting out of this. She either had to agree or admit that there was something else wrong with her. Which she didn't want to do. The only other question was: was she going to have Chez take her to her house or ground zero? She didn't want to ask Hayley to do that, it would bring up to many questions. She could go to her house and then take the subway. It would take a while, and Kate really didn't like the subway, but it was the only thing she could think of. And out of the two choose it seemed to be the one that made the most sense at that moment.
Sighing she stepped forward. "Okay... you can take me home." she said though she knew she wasn't very convincing. In a way Kate would have liked to get in a car crash on her way home, it seemed like the only way out at the time. She was just so sick of everything. And the anniversary of her families death wasn't helping much. But she knew the chance of her actually getting in a car crash were very slim so she might as well forget that. As she thought about it she started to feel like it was the worse idea that she was sent home. Maybe it was because part of her wanted someone to understand, maybe she just wasn't thinking right, but taking a big breath she said, "Actually do you think you could drive me somewhere else..." She was unable to get the place out however before her throat closed. |
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Post by Hayley "Chez" Chezaneski on Sept 12, 2009 22:11:30 GMT -5
"See?" Hayley asked, teasing as she stepped away from her file laden desk and moved towards Kate. "I won't even tell them that you had someone drive you, alright?" She looked for some sign that this was what the woman had been worrying about, but caught none. She still had that gut feeling that told her that Kate couldn't be left alone just yet - that something was wrong with Kate, something was off with her today. She offered another smile, hoping that no intention of hers besides driving the agent home was apparent. "I know a great place for chicken soup, if you're up to it." The current conversation was one of the longest that the Counter Terrorism agents had ever had.
"Yeah, I said I would. Where do you want to go?" She'd known that there was something else to Kate - but where did she want to go? Hayley honestly wouldn't mind taking the agent anywhere she needed to go - she hadn't truly made friends with her yet, and she'd distanced herself from the team lately. She knew that Matt, Jack, and Krys had noticed and were begginning to get worried. She was good at talking things out of people - talking was her job, after all - and she figured that she'd take her chance while she had it.
That was when she realized that all the stuff she usually carried wasn't in her pocket. She hadn't been planning on leaving the office, and had taken out the stuff and put it in her desk. She didn't go anywhere without it - one could call it OCD, but that was only if they didn't know why she carried it.
Without making any mention of it to Kate, she turned to her desk and opened the drawer, taking the oppurnity to put away the framed photograph. Out of the drawer she took a paperclip and a wallet photo album, which she stuffed in her pocket.
Her eyes said that asking wasn't going to be of any use.
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Post by Kate Saunders on Sept 12, 2009 22:24:46 GMT -5
Kate knew that the media liaison had a hidden past as well. She could tell. There were all the signs that Kate shone in her. Even if the two barely knew each other, and this was the longest the had talked since Kate joined the team. But Matt talked about her, so did Krys. And Kate could tell that there was something she wasn't telling them. Yet they all had secrets, even Matt. So Kate didn't read to much into it. She didn't want to know what Chez had gone through in the past. There was no reason for her to know. They were just teammates, and ones that didn't talk that much. It was easier if Kate had less and less people to worry about missing her when she died.
When Chez asked where she wanted to go she didn't answer right away. She actually didn't answer until Chez had gone back to her desk and put a few things in her pocket and the picture away. That was the first sign that she was hiding something big from them. Matt didn't talk about what happened to Jill because that was who he was. But this was something like Kate's past, something that she didn't want anyone to know about, and would try and hid it from the world as best she could till death does she part. Walking into the hall after Chez was read Kate finally answered her question. "I'll tell you where to turn as we go." She said figuring it would be easier to just get there then deal with what ever the other lady had to say. At least she would have an escape. And maybe she wouldn't even have to tell her anything. It might all work out. |
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Post by Hayley "Chez" Chezaneski on Sept 13, 2009 16:45:16 GMT -5
Hayley didn't fail to notice that Kate was watching her put a paperclip and wallet album into her pocket. If Kate started asking questions, she wouldn't have an answer for them. All she could do was hope that Kate wouldn't ask the very questions she was dreading - but depending on where Kate wanted to go, they'd have plenty of solo time in that car.
"Alright, can do. Always loved a good mystery." Chez joked as she moved towards the door of her office. All that mattered right now was finding out what was making the undercover agent act so strangely - sure, she didn't know her too well, but she'd never seen the woman act so dodgy, and the absoloute pain in her voice when she'd first spoken was surreal.
"So," She said as she and Kate moved through the bullpen to the door of the building. "Are you sure you're going to be alright?" |
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Post by Kate Saunders on Sept 17, 2009 17:55:30 GMT -5
Kate wasn't in the mood for Chez's witty comments. At any normal day she would have been more than happy to play along, like her and Robin did a lot. But not today. She would have rather Hayley not say a word and just drive her where she wanted to go. She was already regretting her decision but knew that there was no way that she could recant it with out making the other woman more suspicious of what was going on and have her never stop asking about it. She would much rather just get there and away from any, and everyone see knew so she might actually get some peace in this day. And maybe get over her suicidal thoughts.
As the two of them made there way to Chez's car she asked if she was sure Kate was okay. Kate didn't want to answer that, knowing that her voice had betrayed her in a way that she hadn't wanted. She had hoped she would have thought she was sick, but obviously the pain was to much. It took her a few moments to get control of herself, not as much as she might while undercover, but more than before. She avoided looking at Chez and answered, "I'll be fine." She could have said more, or done more to assure that she was okay, but she couldn't, because frankly she wasn't okay. This was going to be the longest day in a long time, Kate already knew that, and just wanted it to be over already. Sadly there was a long time yet to go. The only thing she could do was getting it over with as fast and painless as she possibly could. |
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Post by Hayley "Chez" Chezaneski on Sept 19, 2009 0:10:34 GMT -5
Kate was lying; Hayley was sure of that. However, there was nothing she could do about it at the moment, and she resigned herself to a nod as the pair made their way through the office building of Counter Terror and towards the parking lot where her car was parked. As he walked, she dug her keys out of her pocket and unlocked the car. Her car wasn't flashy: a silver Camry.
She went around to passanger door of the car and opened it for the younger agent, closing it behind her once she got into the car. Hayley watched her carefully - she didn't want a passed out Kate on her hands, and she wasn't sure if that wasn't out of the realm of possibilities at this moment. She'd never seen the woman this at odds with herself. She was usually solid, capable, but not today.
Hayley got in the car and closed the door behind her, starting the engine. "Any clues on where we're going?" She asked as she backed out of the parking space. She fully planned to try to get more out of her - she wouldn't forgive herself if she found out later that something had happened to Kate and she hadn't done anything to stop it or at least hinder it. She'd made that mistake way too many times in her life.
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Post by Kate Saunders on Sept 19, 2009 15:59:24 GMT -5
Kate followed Chez to her car, not paying much attention to what was going on around her. When she got to the passenger side door she was a little annoyed when Chez opened and closed it for her. So she couldn't open doors on her own now? She figured that it wasn't worth it to fight it. She was only trying to help, right? Even if it was annoying and unneeded Kate wasn't in the fighting mood, of like the first time in over a year. Matt would have been proud. She buckled her seat belt, before Chez could try and do that for her as well.
When Hayley first asked if she could have a hint about where they were going Kate's first thought was to say nothing. She didn't need a hint. She didn't want to give her any fuel to through on the fire just yet. There was still a long way to go till they got there and a lot could be made out in that time. But as she thought about it it might be easier if she gave her something so she wouldn't have to give a turn right here or left at the next light every minute which would actually make Chez more likely to ask question and Kate more susceptible to answer them. So in the end she decided that she was going to give her the first direction, "Go to Manhattan." She hoped that it wasn't that big. That she didn't see right through it. How could see? Chez was smart though and Kate feared that she would realized Manhattan, 9/11, twin towers, and so on. In truth Manhattan was a large place, but again Chez was smart,
After saying that Kate said nothing else. She wasn't going to give the other woman anything else to interrogate her with. She decided then that she didn't have to answer any questions Chez asked. She would just let her talk to herself and not give her anything. Even if she question what was going on. She wouldn't tell her if she was right or wrong. Somehow she doubted that she would be able to do that, though, that she would be able to let it roll off her like she would any other day. She wasn't herself today, or rather she was to much of herself. And this Kate wasn't as strong willed as the other. |
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Post by Hayley "Chez" Chezaneski on Sept 21, 2009 22:27:07 GMT -5
"Go to Manhatten."
Hayley took a right at the next intersection, looking over to Kate in the passenger seat. She still didn't look like herself, though the way she answered Hayley just then was more of herself than before. Still, though, she looked as if more than her immmune system was down.
The directions she recieved were as vague as could possibly be, and she realized it was probably on purpose - she'd thought Kate was directing her for her own convenience, but was it possible she didn't want her to know where they were going? How would that work out? Not very well, Hayley feared - not unless Kate had blindfolds.
"I was born in Manhatten." Hayley fided, feeling the pull not to speak of her past - but she was geniunally worried about Kate, and knew no other way to get through. Perhaps if she talked, Kate would answer - giving something away about what was going on or where she was driving to. "I came back here when I was thirteen." She knew her own cryptic answer was confusing, but it was all she would allow herself to say - she wasn't going to show Kate too much of herself. She didn't allow that - she couldn't. "Where are you from?" It was odd for two co-workers to know so little about each other. When she'd been hired, the FBI hadn't found out about her past because her last name. All the files, the media, had used her real last name - Boticelli - and she refused to go by that name now. Chezaneski, her mother's last name, was the one she now went by. Nobody had found out otherwise, and she planned to keep it that way.
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Post by Kate Saunders on Sept 24, 2009 19:29:35 GMT -5
Kate's eyes were fixed pointing straight forward. Even as the car turned along the streets Kate didn't seem to move her eyes to follow the scenery that passed quickly by. Nor when Hayley spoke did she make any move that she had heard her. And that was what she wanted. In many ways she wanted it to be. She didn't want to answer, and didn't want Chez to think she had heard. For all Chez knew Kate could have been in a completely other place. However Kate had heard everything that she had said. And she didn't miss the long missing part in the story she told. If she left Manhattan then where had she gone? And why wasn't she talking about it. Kate knew that it had something to do with the photo in her office and the few items she placed in her pocket before she left. Kate wasn't the only one hiding something about her past. A part of her wondered what Chez could be hiding. You didn't purposefully avoid say something about your past because of something little, it had to be big, like Kate's own secret.
When Hayley asked where she was from Kate was prepared not to answer the question and still act like she heard nothing that was said. But in a way she wanted to talk. You could only keep something hidden for so long before it starts to rip you apart, and eight years was a long time. There seemed to be no reason why she shouldn't say were she was born. After all it might send her off the sent of what was going on, after all where she was born and lived the first thirteen years of her life had nothing to do with what had happened. Taking a shallow breath and closing her eyes for a moment, her emotions almost coming back to the surface when she thought of the large home she lived in with her sisters. "I was born in Washington D.C. and lived there till I was thirteen." It was kind of ironic that they both had something, Kate wasn't sure what it was for Chez, happen to them when they were thirteen. After a pause she said, "Then I moved to California..." She knew that it would only cause more questions, but some how she was unable to stop from saying it. Like always she was sure to remove all mention of a family.
Deciding that she would be a jerk, like she normally was, and also try and divert the conversation away from her for a while she asked, "So where did you live before turning thirteen?" Her words were rude and ragged, more like the normal Kate. Yet there was a part of her that couldn't be completely mean causing her voice to sound empathetic as well. |
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Post by Hayley "Chez" Chezaneski on Sept 25, 2009 20:55:58 GMT -5
"So where did you live before turning thirteen?"
Her heart nearly stopped. She'd been trying to get Kate to talk about herself - sure, she'd known the possibility was there for Kate to ask her questions that she didn't want to answer. That she hadn't answered, in a very long time. Her throat itched with the answer to the question - different answers, different lies, and different truths.
Was omission truly a lie? A white lie, perhaps, but it couldn't be a real lie - and she'd been lying for all of her life, so why should it even matter now? Why should lying to Kate suddenly bother her? Was it because Kate wasn't acting like Kate and that she was worried about her? Chez didn't know.
But she did know that she had to answer - she had managed to keep her team mostly non-suspiscious for the time she'd been working with them - and she didn't want them to stop that now. If they knew - they wouldn't trust her. They'd think she was weak. She was done being weak.
But she had to answer - and telling her where she lived, it couldn't have bad implications, could it? She was sure that it couldn't. But talking - as much as talking was her job, finally having found the voice that she'd craved all those years locked in a basement - talking could lead to more talking.
"I was born in Manhatten." She repeated, twitching her thumb on the steering wheel. "And when I was nine, I lived in Baltimore." She didn't say moved - moving implied that it was voluntary, and as much as she wanted Kate to believe that it was a normal move, she hardly thought she'd notice the change of words. She couldn't bring herself to say that she moved. She couldn't. She hadn't. She'd been brought there. "Moved back to Manhatten when I was thirteen."
She turned her eyes to Kate, managing to keep her hands from shaking. Something had been fishy about Kate's answer to him, something that she'd not even bothered to connect because she was afraid of what she'd have to answer to Kate herself.
They'd both moved when they were thirteen, though Chez doubted that there was something in her past besides her father or mother having a job change.
"You moved to California, then? Had some fancy idea about becoming an actress?" That had sounded more like herself.
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Post by Kate Saunders on Sept 26, 2009 11:43:30 GMT -5
Kate couldn't help but notice that the both of them were playing mind games. The woman was trained to notice things out of the norm, and the way Chez was acting was odd. It didn't help that her language was much the same as if it had been the one to answer. She choose he words carefully. Like Kate didn't mention family, Chez didn't mention moving to Baltimore, but she didn't say she moved back to Manhattan. Kate knew that that meant something else had happened to her. She also knew that that meant like Kate understood she was hiding something Hayley must have understood that Kate was hiding something. It was kind of odd. For the least year she worked around the media liaison she hadn't thought there was anything wrong with her, but in the last several minutes she was starting to realize they had some sort of connection.
"You moved to California, then? Had some fancy idea about becoming an actress?" Kate knew she should have just answered yes to that. After all she wasn't much different than an actor now, an actor with a gun. Yet she felt like she couldn't lie. Chez didn't seem to be lieing. Though neither of them were telling the whole truths in their answers. Kate could see them both explaining their pasts in a round about way one at a time. Kate answers a question, asks a question Hayley answers the question, asks a question.
Kate looked down for a moment before glancing at Chez. When she answered she tried to sound like she was able to laugh. Yet she knew she failed terribly. "Not Exactly... I was kind of forced to..." She answered. She knew that the word Forced was a little strong and that Chez was sure to ask something about it, but she couldn't help it because it was true. The only thing was she wasn't sure what she was going to say when asked about it. After a pause she asked her question for Chez, "Why'd you go to Baltimore?" A part of Kate wanted her to not answer the question, and thus meaning she didn't have to answer any more question either. |
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