Voiceless [Open]

[Hayley "Chez" Chezaneski]

ooc// Krys, at the end of this, the nurse calls Matthew because Hayley asks for him - I'm figuring he'd get the call and come. Or ... yeah. -doesn't know-



When she opened her eyes, she didn't know where she was, or where she had been before that. Hazed vision cleared and she saw a room of white, sterile, clean, and her heart felt as if it turned inside out. For a moment, she thought that she was a child again, thought that she was waking up after being rescued, and she attempted to scream.

And found she had no voice.

Her wrist was bandaged and she saw an IV attatched to her arm. Panic raced through her entire system, heavy and flighty. With wild green eyes, she realized that for the first time, she felt scared. The fear was nearly cripping - she didn't want to acknlowedge it, so she tried not to. She stemmed the fear and fel her breath calm.

A hospital, she was in a hospital - and she felt the surge of memories coming back to her. She'd nearly been killed in an alley way - she'd called for help, but she hadn't called 911. Her eyes turned to find the source of her being there, but there was nobody - nobody was in the room with her. Matthew hadn't come, and she didn't know whether to feel releived or mad. Maybe her message hadn't gone through - someone had to have brought her here.

Who was that someone? Even though he was dead, she still feared irrationaly that it had been her father. Most likely, it was a civilian - perhaps someone had heard the fight in the aley.

She had no one - her mother was out of town and she didn't want to call her anyway. Her heart pounded as she felt the panic creep back. She had that same irrational feeling that she'd had in the alleyway - call Matthew. Call Matthew and he'd be alright. He was safe.

She'd never, ever let someone else see her weakness, nobody except Kate. For some reason, though, she didn't want to call her. She wanted to call Matthew - a guy, Matthew, but over the years she'd been working with him she knew that she could trust him, even if the other part of her said that she couldn't.

But she did. Somehow, she trusted him implicitly.

Chez rang the buzzer on the side of the bed with a shaking hand. The nurse who entered seconds later was an older woman, and Hayley realized suddenly that she couldn't comminicate. With a fleeting hope that the woman would understnad, she used the few years of sign language that she'd learned in school.

Her voice. Her voice was gone. Perhaps that was what scared her the most. She needed her voice. She'd worked so many years to gain it, and now she'd lost it so quickly.

Call Matthew Grimaldi. She signed. Please.

[Krys Robin]

He had been with his sister Tess when he got the call. She was in town with her fiance and baby. Yes, Tess had a child out of wedlock, something Matt had initially been skeptical about but once the little baby girl was in his arms he melted. He always did with anything that had the slightest bit to do with his baby sister. Some things couldn't be helped. So her dance career was on indefinite hold. Nothing could be done about it now and he was fairly certain no one would want to change it now that they had all come to know little Abigail.

Holding her was one of the best feelings that Matt had come to know, especially with how terrible things had been lately. The agent had been seated on a couch in the corner of the room, holding her, cradling her, rocking her as he hummed one of his songs, dead to the world. That's when his phone rang. Tess had been the one to answer and with a concerned expression relayed the message.

Now he found himself at the hospital in surprisingly nice clothes (for him anyways) as they had been at Abigail's christening earlier. But his face looked sadenned, let down, a strong contrast to what he wore as he walked through the hallway, hands shoved in his pockets looking rather sulkish. Finally he came to the room that he had come to know as Hayley's. Taking a breath he momentarily prepped himself before stepping inside, sticking close to the doorframe he looked to the poor woman on the bed.

At first he couldn't speak. What was there to say? He suddenly found himself wishing that he could shove his hands further into his jeans pockets. A way to escape, but it was of little help. Did she even know he was here? Was she awake? She certainly wasn't okay. Swallowing he dared to venture out of the quiet and make himself known, even when his voice came out muffled. "You alright?" What a stupid question. Inwardly he cringed. One would think out of his forty years of being on the planet he could have come up with something better than that.[/color

[Hayley "Chez" Chezaneski]

When at first he entered the room, she was staring at the window - not out of it, but at it. Her gaze didn't go past the pane of glass. The thin blanket was drawn around her shoulders and her pale hands grasped at the fabric. She didn't allow herself to be surprised at his voice. Instead, she turned on her back and let her head fall in his direction. He was looking at her, and she looked back at him for a moment or so, unable to speak.

"You alright?"

Her instinctual response was that, yes, she was alright. It was what she always answered. She was always alright because she always had to be alright. If she'd answered that, no, she wasn't alright, she'd always been afraid that something bad was going to happen - that someone would find out all the bad things that had happened to her and find her unworthy, that her father would come back and it would all start over again.

But she didn't answer yes this time - perhaps because when she tried to at first, no sound came out of her mouth. She closed her mouth again, feeling like a fish out of water. She had no voice. She had nothing. That moment of uncertainty was what forced her to answer the truth - not that she could speak, and she found her eyes searching for a pen and paper. When she didn't find one, she spoke the only way she knew how to at that moment - Sign Language. She didn't know if he understood it - if he didnt', she was going to have to find a new way to comminucate.

No. She signed, unable to look him in the eyes. You're going to have to fire me. She wanted to sit up and not appear so weak, but found herself unable. The arm that was in a cast for her wrist didn't help her signing at all. He stole my voice, Matt. It's gone. A tear edged its way out of the corner of her eye and she turned her eyes away from him.

[Kate Saunders]

Kate herself had had a bad night. Though it was no compare to Hayley's. In truth it was actually normal for the agent. She rarely slept, more so than anyone else in the office. Half of it was the Heroin she was on all the time. The half was the nightmares that plagued her when ever she closed her eyes. The ones that she tried so hard to forget but could never do. The black smoke, blazing flames, and falling rubble as the building fell on top of her. The pain in her ankle as she ran down the flights of stairs. The screams of dieing men and women that she had no power to save. The same reenactment of that day over and over again in her dreams. Even eight years later it caused her to wake screaming in tare.

That night was no different. She had left the office later than most, but still earlier than Chez. But she didn't go home. She rarely did. She had a small apartment that she bought years ago when she first returned to New York. Though she has millions of dollars it is still a very small and shabby place, Kate thinking she didn't deserve anything better. Most days of the week she would be undercover, in a burn house. And when she wasn't she didn't go to the small apartment unless she had to. It was just for show. Kate had no home, and never would again. This night she had wondered the streets near the apartment until she was to tired to think and found her way to her couch. Despite the numbness in her mind she was still waken early the next morning in a scream. Even though it was just past five am she got ready and went into work, the only other place that she could be.

She knew that Matt had something to go to for his sister and had asked for the day off, so he wouldn't come in and find Kate there and guess she had been there all morning. The rest of the agents didn't care what she did, as long as she didn't bother them. She might have to worry about Chez, but they had an understanding. She knew things about Chez's past that no one else did, and Chez knew things about her past. However Chez never walked in. She was always one of the first ones in, and yet nine o'clock rolled around, and she didn't show. That's when Kate started to get worried. What could have happened to keep her from work? As far as Kate could tell she was the same way as she was; there was nothing in her life but work. So on that note Kate called her cell phone knowing that Chez never went anywhere with out it, and if she didn't answer than she knew something really bad much have happened.

Someone did answer, but it turned out not to be Chez. It was a detective with NYPD investigating Hayley's mugging. Kate's heart dropped at the words. She was told that Chez was in "stable" condition, what ever that meant, and which hospital to go to. With that Kate was gone as fast as she could. When she got to the hospital she realized that she should have called Matt, but something told her that he most likely already knew, he seemed to have camera's watching his teammates for when something bad happens. As Kate walked through the hospital hall she felt very out of place. She never liked hospital. She was forced to stay in one for several days after 9/11. And now she felt like every doctor could tell she was a drug addict. When she got to Chez's room she saw Matt in front of Chez in a bed. At first everything seemed okay, Chez a little beat up but at least not dead. But then she Kate say the Hand movements and right away recognized the sign language. Chez couldn't speak...

Kate was frozen in shock for a moment before she was able to force herself into the room. Her eyes watching Matt for a moment knowing that she was going to be acting way out of character now being the concerned friend, but she could let that stop her from actually caring for Hayley. The two of them had a secret bound that made this moment all that much worse. Her voice got stuck in her throat from a moment before she said, "Hey... If you look like this, I would hate to see what the other guy looks like." She smiled at the joke, hoping it would make Hayley feel stronger.

((ooc: Krys can Matt read sign language? And would it be a little unreasonable to say that Kate could speak Russian, French, Arabic and know sign language? ))[/size]

[Chez]

Hayley felt cold; she turned her head to see Kate enter the room. She'd called Matt - she hadn't called Kate. They had an understanding now, the two of them - an unspoken one, but an understanding all the same. That understanding came with the knowledge shared that they'd had ever since September 11th, when Hayley had taken the younger woman to ground zero.

"Hey... If you look like this, I would hate to see what the other guy looks like."

Hayley shook her head, feeling her hands shake. She didn't know if Kate understood sign language, but she had no other choice. Her voice was not an option.

"He ...ran off... took my badge... wallet...voice."

[Kate Saunders]

Kate felt a catch in her throat at the sight of Chez. She looked to pale and hurt lying in the bed like that. The most haunting thing was she wasn't talking in the smooth calm voice that Kate had gotten so used to. The voice that was able to calm the whole world when a terrorist tried to hurt them. Now it was only silent. Not a sound came from the soft lips to reassure them that everything was going to be alright. Matt didn't say anything. He to seemed to have lost his voice, but for a different reason. Kate could see the connection between the two. They liked each other, it was a miracle that Hayley could like at all. Yet she was possible in love with Matt, and him with her. There was no missing the way he looked at her. This moment was hard on Kate, it must have been hell on Matt.

The words Hayley used were with her hands and not her mouth, an odd thing that made Kate sick. Luckily the undercover agent had a little training in the language. In high school she took French, and on her own she learned Russian. In College she decided to learn Arabic for her future job in CT and after that was all done and said she had to find another thing to keep her mind of things. So with in her first few months in the FBI she look sign language. It wasn't as good, and a few things got past her, but for the most part she was able to understand what Chez was saying.

Another lump filled her throat at the reply. She had meant it as a joke, but obviously Hayley wasn't in the joking mood. It took a moment for Kate to find her voice, a little to long so that she had been planing on answering in sign language. However she didn't want to have to do that so she forced the words out. "I know a few things about you, Hayley Chezaneski," She started sounding amazingly like her mother, "One is you never give up. The other is you will always have your voice." She looked down on the other agent hiding meaning in the words. She knew how special her voice was. She had none when she was younger, and now she made up for it by being in front of the cameras. And no matter what anyone did to her, she would still have that voice, she wasn't about to let it go away. Kate only hoped that that were still true.

[Krys Robin]

Matt had been in a hospital room many times before. More bad reasons than good in his line of work so he should have been able to 'perform' in these sort of situations but in a way this one was different. In this scenario it was Hayley in the bed. It was Hayley who was hurt. He barely had any 'lines' of reassurance for anyone that he didn't know, a complete stranger, let alone someone who he actually treasured. What a mad world this was.

Matt watched in silence with dark eyes as she began to sign. He didn't understand sign language. Krys did. Not him. But she was long gone too. Matthew wasn't sure if he could stand another loss especially in this department when his heart was involved. He attempted to clear his throat because he felt an odd tingling in his chest and a wettening threatened his eyes. But no, for now he pushed it away.

"I... I don't understand." Came his barerly audible voice from where he stood, not daring to approach, instead choosing to keep his distance. "I... I'm sorry." He managed to get out, feeling horribly helpless in the moment until he heard the door slide open and Kate came into view taking the reigns of conversation: Thank Goodness.

As the two women 'spoke' Matt gave them their space. Instead he watched in quiet, like a small child not allowed to join. Deep down he wished that he could but it was probably much better this way to keep his distance. Hayley wouldn't want to speak to him. She couldn't. Kate and her bond were far stronger than anything they shared, anything that he wished they shared. It was silly for him to think of her in such a way, especially considering that he was older than her and quite a bit more crumudgeonly. Briefly he had liked Kate, the first few days he had known her, and that ended badly when she ended up being more like his stubborn child. This was why he liked keeping his distance. In the end you only ended up hurting: Case in point - Krys Robin.

Glancing over his shoulder he suddenly felt out of place and unsurely looked back to the two women. "I'll be outside.." He offered hesitantly, actually unsure of what to do next.

[Chez]

"I know a few things about you, Hayley Chezaneski, one is you never give up. The other is you will always have your voice."

She couldn't help it - she shook her head, her eyes cast downwards. The young woman couldn't look her friend in the eyes. It was odd - that one moment on September 11th had drawn them closer than they'd ever been before. They'd hardly ever spoken before then - but it was now that they had this understanding. It was odd, too, how two people so disimliar could truly be so alike in so many ways that were important.

The young woman felt cold seep through her bones - again she was the young girl, lost and afraid in that basement, unable to do anything to save herself or the ones that she loved. Powerless, completely.

"He took it so easily," She signed, green eyes sad. She saw Matt out of the corner of her eyes; he was shifting uneasily at the side of the room.

"I'll be outside..." He said, in a typical fashion for him, but she couldn't help but feel the panic at her words.

"Tell him not to leave." She signed to Kate; she wondered if there was panic in her eyes. "Please."

[Kate Saunders]

Kate felt so bad for the older woman. She knew how much her voice was to her, and knew what it meant to her. Having lost it much have been terrible. Kate wasn't a profiler, but she knew that there had to be some sort of psychological thing going on in side her. The lose of her voice had to be bring back memories, or feelings at least of the past. Kate knew that feeling more than anyone else could have. She knew what it was like to be stuck in the past with no way of moving forward into the safety of the light. That was where Chez had to have been. In the dark trap, alone, and scared. She wanted to make her feel better, but with Matt in the room she knew that she had to keep up her appearance of the hard, mean Kate. Yes he knew Hayley and her where friends, but what he didn't know was why they were.

"He took it so easily," Chez signed. Kate wasn't about to answer when Matt could here. There was one thing the other man couldn't understand, though. "He's not your father." She signed back. If there was anything he learned from working with profilers was that things like this always had a connection to the past. Maybe Chez wasn't thinking, maybe she was wrong, but she knew that there was something going on about her fear of her father and the death of her brother.

That was when Matt said he would wait outside. Kate looked at him then at Chez. The nurses had said she asked for him so she must have wanted him to be there. However she didn't want to say something with out Chez's "approval". She looked back just in time to see her signed message. Looking back at Matthew quickly she said, "She doesn't want you to go." Her voice was fast and might have been heard like panic. She didn't care though, now she wasn't using her own voice she was using Hayley's. Even though she hadn't been invited to the hospital by the woman it was a good thing she had come so she could act as a medium between the two.

[Krys Robin]

Why had he even come? He felt so out of place. Like he just didn't fit in. The girls spoke in code, whether they knew it or not, and Matthew felt lost and not a part of it. Really he wouldn't have wanted to be a part of it anyways. He was meant to be solitary, alone. He was gruff for a reason and that meant not getting attached to anyone, mainly because it only led to you feeling hurt in the end. Like now. Seeing Hayley lying there unable to speak, Matthew could only feel hurt and bitterness: And it wasn't fun.

So he knew that he had to make an excuse to leave. Give them their space somehow. He was just taking up space and he knew that he offered little help or reassurance by his presence. There wasn't anything that he could say or do to make what had happened go away or that could make it any better. It was just a troubling mess. Matthew often fought in his line of work to rectify or make things better for others, but when it meant something to himself (like the death of his older sister) there was nothing that he could do. Much like now. He felt lost.

When he reached the door he caught the rapid hand gestures on hayley's part. The panic in her eyes. Instinctively his brow rose and his green eyes widened some. What was wrong? She looked like she was panicking and Matthew couldn't help but feel a tad protective though his feet remained glued to the spot. It was Kate's reaffirmation of Hayley's words that eventually got him to speak, though it was quiet.

"She doesn't?" He had always been a man of few words and that couldn't be helped. He just didn't speak unless he had something of the upmost importance to say and now was one of those times. Though he wasn't moving toward Hayley he still wasn't leaving, and this was a start.