I Run to You {Krys}

[Dr. Spencer Reid]

Reid hadn't been able to sleep very well for the last few days. Ever since that day when Krys was kidnapped. The fear he had for the girl that he loved. She was gone and he had no idea where she was, or if she was even alive. And when they finally found her she might as well not have been. The image of her beaten and bruised stuck in his mind when ever he closed his eyes. The look in her eyes, the pain. It was to much for the young genius to take in. He had seen hundreds of people worse off that she had been that night, yet something was different about this time. he loved her. He couldn't see his life with out her. She was all that he wanted. And that day she had almost been taken from him. That's when he shot the man that had taken her. Gerald. He calmed that he had seen him moving to shot, and maybe it was true, maybe not. Reid didn't know what to think any more. There had been an investigation opened on the BAU agent for unlawful man slaughter. Reid's lawyer and his team was sure it was going to be a cut and dry case in his favor, but Reid wasn't to sure.

He layed awake a few night later. It was after midnight, Reid knew that much. he lay staring at the ceiling thinking afraid to close his eyes. The moon shown brightly outside his window lighting the dark room with a pale light. It was the only comfort he found in the night. Breathing deeply he tried to calm him mind, tried to finally get some sleep. One could only go 3 day with out sleep and still have progressive thought. And only 7 days until you could literally die with out sleep. Reid wasn't sure if the little sleep he got was worth the nightmares.

Reid was half in a daze with something brought him out of it. A loud knock came through the small apartment and Reid found himself jumping at the sudden noise. For a moment he sat straight up in bed not knowing what was going on. Until it hit him that it was some one at the door. Reid Rubbed his face wondering if he had actually been asleep or not before he rolled out of bed and slowly shuffled toward the door. When he got there he looked through the peep hole to see who it was. What he saw on the other side of the door surprised him. He had to look twice to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Once he was fairly sure that it was who he thought it was he opened the door to Krys Robin. Pushing his hair out of his face he said, "Krys, what are you doing here?"

[Krys Robin]

OOC: To outsiders wondering this takes place after kidnapping. Reid and I are impatient people (mainly me) so we're going to rp this side somewhat fluffy thread, especially since school and rehearsals take over my life starting the 7th so we wanted to get a headstart before posts get further and farther in between. We also have an idea of how the kidnapping thread will end for our two chars (through PMs with involved parties) so we'll keep it semi vague in that respect. *phew* AWESOME..))

Every time she closed her eyes, or at least attempted to, she wouldn't be able to fall asleep. She'd see his face. At first it was her captor, Gerald's coming at her with fire in his eyes. Then when she tried again it was her father, slamming her six year old body against the wall as she cried out. Then she saw Reid, how he looked that day in the hospital slipping away from her. The metal of her bed framework shook because her body trembled in fear. Though she had been alone in her hotel room she was terrified for her life every time that she closed her eyes. Maybe it was because it was an unfamiliar surrounding or maybe she was just frightened. There'd be no righting that.

She had purposely stopped her intake of Amp Energy Drink (Matt had come by earlier to take any energy boosting products away) when he realized she was chugging them so she wouldn't have to go to sleep. He was smarter than he looked that Matthew Grimaldi. Hayley had helped along with the BAU's Derek Morgan. Krys hadn't seen Hotch yet, actually it was probably better that way. She was worried that Claire and Aaron would be cross with her (she blamed herself really for everything that happened). Even Penelope had called to check in. Everyone was being so accomodating. It was nice of them really, they were just trying to help, though really it did anything but.

It was around the twentieth time she had tried to close her eyes and she sat back up with a frusterated sigh. Her hands ran through her brown hair, messing it up further as she cringed with a whimper. She needed sleep, she knew that. She was tired, she was also aware of that but her body just wouldn't let her relax. Quietly she murmured facts to herself for a good fifteen minutes with no success. Absentmindedly she rubbed her right bandaged hand (courtesy of the hospital) against the side of her face, taking in the feel of the tape against flesh. Interesting. Then again, anything was in this state.

Her right shoulder was bruised from how tightly Gerald had held her. Her chest hurt when she tried to breathe both from stress and the force of how hard she had thrown herself against Spencer when he came through the door. She hadn't even known it was him at first. She had just been staring up at Gerald, preparing for another strike when a pop was heard and the unsub went down. She didn't remember anything else within those few seconds except seeing a blur and hurling herself against them, wrapping her arms around his neck and sobbing into whoever it was. Trembling and feeling absolutely sick but relieved. It was only when she heard his voice that she knew it was Spencer. And she didn't let go of him the entire time. In fact Morgan had to get both of them on their feet and was luckily very accomodating to the frightened woman's reaction. Spencer had finally managed to pry Krys' fingers from his arms, still shaking she had given in.

Spencer. Instantly it clicked and she moved to her feet. True she wasn't thinking clearly given how tired she was but he had mentioned in the past any time that she needed something. Well, she would take him up on his offer and hopefully he wouldn't completely mind. Tying her converse sneakers rather hastily she made her way out the door and to the elevator. She wore her plaid pajama pants and a hoodie, not even having changed for the elements of the outdoors. Once again she wasn't thinking clearly. Through various means of public transport, mainly a bus and walking dazed for blocks, she ended up at his home at a rather late hour.

Her eyes all red from both tears and lack of sleep she somehow managed to get to the front door of Reid's apartment. With a bit of a sniffle she lifted her right hand and gave a knock on the door. Swaying tiredly on her feet she rubbed at her eyes with her upper arm before giving yet another knock. It was nippy out, even for a summer night (as it was turning to fall) but she ignored it. She was too tired and upset to pay much mind to it anyways.

"Krys, what are you doing here?"

It was quite apparent by the expression on the analayst's face that she 'wasn't all there'. By the puffiness of her eyes from crying, and how dazed and out of it she looked she was very tired and obviously not thinking clearly. But she tried to speak on her behalf anyhow, though she really just ended up rambling in circles... And worse than usual!

"You said if I needed anything to..." She rubbed at her eyes looking about ready to either fall over or run away. "To stop by... And I was home... And I couldn't sleep..." Gosh, this wasn't even making sense in her own head. "And Matt took all of my energy drinks away..." God she was so tired and her voice was beginning to crack with how upset she was becoming just by standing in his doorway. "And every time I close my eyes I can't... I can't... And I'm not used to not being able to do something..." The wetness stung her eyes and she gave her face another stubborn wipe, her bottom lip quivering as she attempted to force her way through it all. Finally, just letting it out all at once.

"I'm so tired."

[Dr. Spencer Reid]

Reid looked over the woman standing in his door way. She looked bad. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair was a mess, the bruises and cuts on her face were still visible in the dime hallway light. It was only then that Reid realized he had forgotten to turn on a light. Most of all she looked tired and when she started to talk it was all to apparent. Reid felt so bad for her. He just wanted to take her in his arms and hug her, but he was afraid that that would hurt her, after all he had seen the bruised all along her body. He felt like one touch and he might break her. Reid could barely make out what she was rampling about. By the end the three words she muttered were the best explanation of what she had said before.

"I'm so tired." 'And why shouldn't you be.' He thought. After all that she had been through he wouldn't have been able to sleep either. Heck he couldn't sleep after just seeing the end result of what had happened. He thought back about Gerald and made up his mind. Shooting him was the right thing to do, even if he was sent to jail or kicked out of the FBI he would still think it was the right chose. There was no way he could have lived with himself knowing that the man was still alive. And he was sure it would ten times worse for Krys right now if she knew he was alive. Knew that he might one day come back for her. Death was the best closer anyone could have.

"Come in." he said quickly stepping out of the door way. Once she was inside he shut the door and locked it. Then he flipped the light switch on. Blinking through the sudden light he moved to Krys. "It's okay." he mumbled softly, moving both of them to the couch. "Everything is going to be okay." He knew why she couldn't sleep. It was nearly the same reason he couldn't. She needed to feel safe again. He needed to know she was safe. He lightly touched her shoulder, pushing the messy hair cascading around it behind her ear. He was so genital, not wanting to hurt her. "I'm here for you, okay." He said softly before asking. "Do you want the TV on?" Maybe a funny late night show would have her feel better. He knew it normal got his mind of things.

[Krys Robin]

Unsure, tired brown eyes skimmed the hallway floor as if looking for an escape route. But even so she allowed her confession to settle though she felt wobbily and a bit ill. If Spencer found her a complete loon at least she could just walk back the same way she came, maybe she'd have better luck falling asleep on the bus. She knew that she wasn't processing her thoughts correctly, that heading back out into the night wasn't really the best idea, but even so she didn't want to be an inconveinence to Spencer just because she had acted on impulse. The scary thing was she didn't even really quite remember how she had gotten to his doorstep. Oh god, she was losing it.

Looking back up with a worried look she suddenly noticed that she was inside Spencer's apartment. When had this happened? She had been so out of it that she hadn't even realized her own footsteps. It wasn't a good sign. As if trying to figure the situation out she glanced toward where Spencer was walking. Her heart did a nervous leap, as if he was trying to leave her alone (he was moving to the door afterall) and her right hand reached out, managing to lightly grasp his arm with somewhat shakey hands. Of course he hadn't been trying to leave, but in Krys' fragile state she thought he was.

Tired yet nervous brown eyes met with Spencer's, willing him not to run off, not to leave her alone. Luckily he was a gentle, understanding man, and carefully guided her over to the couch where her tired legs gave away as she sat down. Her eyes took a bit longer to adjust to the light than usual, given how dazed she was, but eventually everything sorted out.

She had been staring at her lap, pressing both of her lips together when she felt a gentle touch against her ear. Her eyes darted back up, almost fearfully only to see her best friend looking back at her with such comforting, yet worried eyes. He was looking out for her. Always looking out for her. And though she was nervous and her heart was racing, she allowed the touch because it came from him. And when he said it was going to be okay: she actually believed him, even if only for a split second. In silence, she gave him a single nod and her lips finally parted.

"Do you want the TV on?"

Another silent single nod to this question. Maybe the extra sound would help. But once Spencer moved to stand to do this for her, her right hand jutted right out again, grasping for whatever part of him she could hold. When that wasn't enough she was up on her feet again and her arms wrapped around his slender body, holding him close and burrying her face in his lower chest. It was out of frightened instinct, she didn't want to be left alone and she was acting just as rashly, without even thinking. She couldn't help it.

"Please don't leave me by myself." She begged in a whimpering, soft, muffled voice against him. Her fingertips clenched to the fabric on his back, not wanting to let go. He could probably even feel her arms tremble from how she was holding him. "Please don't go."

[Dr. Spencer Reid]

Krys nodded to his question. he slowly started to get up so he could get the report off the top of the TV, a habit that he had former early on in his life. He would place it there so that he might always know where it was, and so his mother might not carry it off with her to some strange part of the house while in one of her episodes. And now that he lived by himself he continued to do it, so that when he got back from a late night and couldn't sleep he would find the report easily in the dark room. But the moment he was to his feet Krys was wrapped around him so tightly that he wouldn't have been able to wiggle free if he wanted to. But he didn't care to. Quickly he sat back on the couch, Krys still holding his middle tightly. Her hands digging into his night shirt along his back.

Her words were that of fear and worry. Worry that he was going to leave. He wrapped his own arms around the frightened girl and softly stroked her back, something that his mother would do when he was a kid that had always had him feel better. He did it methodically and soft just hard enough for Krys to feel it but not enough to hurt her. 'Shhhh." He whispered through a lump in his throat. "I'm not going anywhere. It's okay. I wont leave you alone." He looked down at the top of Krys' head leaning against his chest. He knew that she wasn't in her right mind. She was scared and tired. It scared him. I scared him to see her like this.

"I was just going to get the remote." he told her, figure that the best thing right now was to treat her like he normal would. She needed to know that everything was okay, that nothing had changed. "But if you don't want me to get up, then I wont." He added softly. A moment went by in silence as Reid continued to rub her back. Then he thought of something that might make her feel better. He smiled down at her, wanting her to see a kind happy face if she did look up. It wasn't all that much of a forced smile. "Did you know that butterflies have 12,000 eyes?" He asked making sure to keep it on the subject of animals. Krys had been to the zoo recently and he knew she would have a ton of new animal facts that she would be dieing to share.

[Krys Robin]

Krys sat back down when Spencer did, though her grasp didn't loosen in the slightest because little comfort was provided. He could still run off. He could still fight her, if he wished to, and yank her off and toss her out the door. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to be away from him. Nervous fingers curled around his nightshirt, feeling the fabric against her flesh her face still against his chest, little space between them. Even on the couch this didn't change aside from a slight shifting.

She felt the urge to say something and yet the words wouldn't leave her throat, so instead she just clung to him, taking in the feel of his light touch as he stroked her back. It was soothing and calmed her a bit which was odd because these last few days nothing and no amount of medication had been able to do so. It was a gentle touch that Krys had never come to know by the hands of her own family. In fact aside from Matt this was probably one of the first people to fuss over her in such a manner and have completely genuine intentions. Slowly but surely her grasp on the young genius loosened but never let go fully. Baby steps.

Though her friend was trying so hard to be accomodating and kind she couldn't find the heart within herself to look up at him. Instead her fingers clenched around the material of his night shirt once more as she spoke into his chest. "Everytime I close my eyes I see him Spencer. Every time." She confided in a shakey voice, seeking solace in his presence. As he tried to negotiate she knew, as usual, that he was right, but she still couldn't let him go. Her body just didn't allow herself to. And so she held onto him, in quiet.

Her head finally tilted outward in the quiet, resting against his upper chest as she hung onto him while seated on the couch. She was practically in his arms the way she was clinging but it was more so a self assurance that he was there and she wasn't alone. That no one could come and snatch her up while Spencer was there. He would keep her safe. He always had.

"Did you know that butterflies have 12,000 eyes?"

Facts. This she could handle, even in her tired state. Still not looking up at Spencer she gave a slight nod mixed in with a sniffle. "Did you know that Killer Whales are actually members of the dolphin family? They're not whales at all." This hadn't been a fact at all but rather something she had heard during Discovery Channel's Shark Week, but it still counted.

"And cicadas live up to 16 to 30 years underground before they come up for a week and then die." She continued still not letting go of Spencer though her hold was relaxing and loosening which probably meant she was giving into how tired she was. "And dogs have the mental intelligence of a two year old child..." The sound of another next door apartment's door slamming caused the analyst to jerk and let out a cry. Every part of her went tense and clung to the poor young man and she seemed prone to tears as she let out a whimper. Still quite jumpy apparently, despite how sleepy she was.

"N-N-No." Her bottom lip quivered in a whimper.

[Dr. Spencer Reid]

"Every time I close my eyes I see him Spencer. Every time." Krys' words echoed through his mind. He hated knowing that that monster was still scaring her. That he was causing her so much pain even after he was gone. The fact that one could cause so much pain after they could no longer physically hurt them. That one person could have so much effect on a persons life. Swallowing hard Reid tried very hard to keep his voice even. "It's okay. He's dead Krys, he can't hurt you any more." He said. In the back of his mind Spencer thought of Stanley, how he had done the same thing to her. To much had happened to someone that didn't deserve it.

Reid felt Krys' grip lessen as he said the fact. It was familiar to her. Something that she could always fall back on. Something that Reid could understand one hundred present. She rattled off several facts in a row even in her mental state at that point she was still able to do it. He smiled as he caught her eye, if only for a moment. It was progress. Even if it was slow at least it was something. At this pace she would fall asleep with in the hour. But some higher power didn't want that to be. A door slammed a few rooms down and Krys quickly tensed up, tightening her grip, and let out a small cry. Reid's heart sank as low as it could, hating Gerald even more now. Even hating the careless person who slammed their door in the middle of the night. But his anger was quickly pushed away by concern for the young lady.

"it's okay. It's okay." he said quickly rubbing her back a little faster. "It was nothing. No one's going to hurt you. Okay?" He looked around the room, just to make sure before turning his attention back on Krys. "Did you know that dolphins sleep with 1 eye open?" He paused a moment. "Or that the Earth has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species?" He waited a second. Hoping that Krys would loosen up a little again. He found that hew as starting to find it a little hard to breath with her arms wrapped around his body, though he would never tell her that because he was afraid of making her feel guilty for something that wasn't a big deal.

[Krys Robin]

"I- I- I know that. Of cour-course I know that." Krys admitted with a shakey voice. "It's a ver-very logical thing to know that b-b-but it isn't making it any bet-bet-better." She couldn't focus her eyes on any one location. They didn't seem to want to obey her as she looked unsteady from side to side, her jaw quivering, heck her entire face was trembling as she strained to gather just a little control. A battle she was definitely losing. She appeared on the verge of tears, more out of frusteration with herself, than anything else and she didn't mean to throw it all on Spencer. Sometimes, when you were tired, words and emotions just came flooding out whether you wanted them to or not.

All at once her teary brown eyes shot up, a weakened expression on her face, her brow wrinkled along with her nose, the threat of tears once again evident. "I keep thinking that maybe I did something Spence, be-because these things keep happening to me. T-To people I care about." And in her mind this was true. It only made sense. Krys was the spontaneous sort sure, but she was also the type to place puzzle pieces together and make some sort of sense out of them (even when none existed). "First my-my dad. He's not a b-bad man. He just wasn't a very s-smart one either. And he's better now, but he still hates me because nothing I ever do is right. Nothing I ever do-" Her voice strained and she cut this thought off. Way too much personal information, Spencer wouldn't want to hear about it. Friend or not. Even in her tired state she wouldn't allow herself to push all of this on him.

"All of this.. Lily and Jack.. If I had jus-just kept a better eye on them.. Maybe if I could have thought of something. Anything." She cringed, bringing her hands finally away from the young man and to grasp at her head which suddenly hurt. "Why didn't I think of anything? I always think of things." Her brown eyes darted right back out to look at Spencer a frown on her face as her hands then moved from her brow to either side of the young genius' face. "Then you... You got sick because of me. I was so scared." She was rambling and she was well aware of it, but there'd be no stopping her. Not when she was on a roll.

Her teary brown eyes looked right into his, nothing but genuine feelings in her eyes. Her voice however only came out as a weak squeak at her next confession. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." She told the young man, still holding onto the sides of his face as if to make sure he was *actually* there and to make sure that he was listening to her. Both were necessary precautions in her mind.

"I don't ever want to feel that again." She told him with a slight bit of urgency, her lips slightly parted from lack of breath as a result of her own worry. Was he listening? She really didn't know. Maybe this would all sound stupid to him. Ah well, she had to say it anyways. "I don't want to lose you." Okay, enough said. He was probably sick of hearing from her anyways. Swallowing her currently unstable mind switched into another mode, though her facts were much more quiet than usual. "What does 'other' species entail?"

[Dr. Spencer Reid]

Reid feel silent not know what to say in that moment. He just listened to what she had to say. What she was thinking. Taking it all it. Trying to make sense of it and hopefully find a way to help. To make her understand. Understand that this wasn't her fault. That there was nothing that she could do to stop what was happening. That, and maybe more importantly, there was nothing wrong with her. Whether she thought that she was cursed, or that bad things just happened to her or those around her, that it was her fault that all that had happened to herself and Reid, was not true. He needed to make her understand that she was perfect the way she was. That there was nothing that she could have done differently. That life happens. What was hardest about some of it was that Reid didn't truly believe in many of that things that he wanted Krys to believe.

As Reid watched the young lady move her hands to her head. Her face wrinkled up in pain and confusion Reid felt like he was going to be sick. It looked a lot like one of his mother's episodes. Like Krys was having some sort of break from reality. In many ways it was true, but also in many ways it wasn't. This was her reality flowing out into a world that didn't make sense for it. Still Reid couldn't help but hate seeing it. In that moment he saw his own life. His own broken reality. The mental illness that loomed just under the surface, ready to break through at any time. He saw Krys' mind flowing with thoughts that she couldn't make sense, and it pained him. Why did this have to happen to her? Why did she have to deal with this? The only thought that made sense to Reid in that moment was that Krys wasn't plagued with mental illness. That it was all reversible. That in time she could be fixed, unlike his mother. Unlike the future he saw from himself.

Reid tried to talk but found his voice didn't work. It took several seconds for him to will his voice to work. By that time Krys had already asked what kind of other species, in an admit to change the subject. But it wasn't going to work. Not that time. He wasn't going to let this go. Not even now. He had to try to explain it to her. Try to explain things that he hadn't gotten a chance to at the ice rink when he first learned of the girl's haunter past. Even if she wasn't in her right mind, or might not even remember what he said in the morning. He still couldn't continue to let her think the way that she was. It was one of the most painful things he had ever known. That this amazing woman thought so little of herself, even though she was the most amazing person in Reid's eyes.

"Krys, You have to listen to me." he said Taking Krys' hands in his, barely realizing the touch against his face. Deep in his mind he longed to never let the soft feeling to ever go away; disappear into the black of forgetfulness. Taking a large breath, hoping to make sense, to get his point across he started. "Nothing is wrong with you. Bad things happen to everyone. But you didn't cause them to happen. Your dad made a choose to beat you, you didn't do anything to deserve it. He's the one that choose to harm you. Nothing more Nothing less." He paused a moment thinking of Stanley. Thinking of the interrogation he had with the man. Seeing the guilt and hatred for himself in his eyes. In ever inch of his body. It pained Reid but he had to forgive the man, that was the only way Krys would be able to move on. "Your father..." He started but was forced to stop. "Your father is very sorry for what he did. Granted that doesn't clear him from what he did to you all those years, but it proves that he was wrong, that he made the wrong choose. He doesn't talk to you now because he doesn't think he deserves to be spoken to by you...." Reid wasn't sure if he had made it as clear as he could, but he knew that he couldn't go into that subject any more.

"Nothing I ever do is right." Those words couldn't be more wrong. Reid knew that this was the years of psychological abuse speaking now, though. Krys had been conditioned into thinking that she was worthless. And in many ways it would be the hardest think to prove to her that it was wrong, because in her mind it was the only thing she knew. Reid needed to open that bottle, though, and try to get her started on the right path. "Everything you do is right. Look at yourself. Your a technical analysts with one of the best groups of FBI agents there are. And your only 22 years old. Most people that age aren't even out of college yet... As far as I can tell you can't go wrong." He knew that it wasn't a very strong argument. But again there wasn't much he could say that would actually change her way of thinking at that moment.

"Krys, thousands of people are killed every year after being abducted. You were able to keep both the kids and yourself alive, and that's what matters. If you had fought back then he might have... have killed you... or the children... Or you could... could have been hurt worse than you already are." Reid said his voice getting soft. He lightly touched her face, bushing her hair behind her ears again. Tears filled his eyes in that thought that she could be more hurt than she was, because as far as Spencer was concernd this was pain enough. Fight back tears he continued. "You job was to stay alive, mine was to find you." He forced his eyes shut for a moment, blinking away the tears. In his mind he thought, 'You can't do everything Krys... Please don't try.'

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." The phrase was all to familiar. Reid remembered how he thought the same think countless times since he meet her. Maybe Oliver had been right that day, maybe Krys did feel the same way about him as he did her. It sure seemed like it. In a very small voice that wouldn't have been heard if the small apartment hadn't been completely silent Reid whispered, "I don't know what I'd do with out you..." In a way he kind of wished she hadn't heard the words, in another he hoped she had. He wanted everything to come out in the open. He wanted to finally be able to be with her. Completely forgetting Krys' fact question Reid looked into the young woman's eyes looking for something that might tell him he had gotten through her thick skull. Something that told him she was starting to understand.

[Krys Robin]

She could feel her body shake and momentarily felt breathless, which was odd because she hadn't run or done any strenuous activity since the day they were rescued. In fact Matt and the rest of the CT team made sure of that. Shifts were taken during the day to visit her, sometimes in groups all to make sure that she had been doing alright. Even some of the BAU people had stopped by for visits. Derek Morgan with Penelope. Krys rather enjoyed their company, they always made her laugh with their flirtatious banter. Keith, her brother, even stopped by with Laura something Krys appreciated even though they sat in silence playing 'Call of Duty' on her xbox.

That afternoon she had hot cocoa with Hayley and a dragged along Kate who didn't seem completely pissed off at being there in a little 'girls afternoon'. But what probably didn't overdue it was the fact that they barely discussed anything. Hayley did most of the speaking and even then it was about sports, not exactly the most girly of things. Krys didn't do much talking, oddly enough for her, she had just sat and listened, forcing a smile every now and then. This was a new routine she found herself forced back into. Forcing a smile, pretending to be okay all so that others wouldn't hurt. And now that she was alone and had been doing so for days, heck, most of her life, she just couldn't do it fully anymore. At least not around her dearest friend Spencer Reid.

Her fingertips traced along Spencer's cheeks, taking in how warm they were. Taking in the simple things that most would take for granted. How angular his face was: he needed to eat something. The mess of his bedhead from having gotten up from his bedroom. How giving and caring his eyes were. His eyes. She loved those eyes. No matter what factual nonsense Spencer tried to spurt they were always so telling about how he felt. Spencer couldn't easily hide when he was angry, or upset, or anything else for that matter, at least not from Krys. Somehow, she always had an inkling.

Looking into those eyes now she found her sparatic thoughts concentrating on one thing: What if Spencer or anyone else had gotten hurt? It seemed like every time something happened to her Spencer somehow became entrapped in the middle of it, often putting his own life and well being at risk. Heck, even when it was something as 'simple' as her not being able to sleep who did she wake up from his much needed slumber?: This man. A twinge of guilt made her feel sick and she had to momentarily lower her dark, teary brown eyes from his, not having the heart to look at him and realize how many times she had hurt him without even meaning to. She had never wished to hurt him! She cared about him! More than anyone else in the world. Perhaps that's what scared her even more.

Looking back up she shook her head, her voice coming out in mere soft trembles. "I can't let anything happen to you Spence. I just can't." She told him with some urgency as her hands moved to clasp at his arms. Some would just shrug this comment off as ramblings of a very tired woman, and maybe they were, but even so Krys had meant them. Each and every word. She knew, deep down, long ago how she felt about this young man and it was becoming increasingly more difficult to hide it from both him and herself. She couldn't love anyone. Love only ever ended badly for her or anyone knew her. She couldn't handle that hurt, that rejection if it didn't work out. If he didn't feel the same way. And she didn't wish for any ill will to happen to him even if it meant her suffering from here on out.

"If something happened to you I don't know what I'd do." She continued to ramble on, tears now threatening to fall from her doe's eyes which looked increasingly unsure. "You have to stay safe. You have to stay here and a-a-away from me." She had no idea what she was saying but she was pretty sure that, when mixed in with her sobs, she sounded like a five year old, the way she was pleading. "I-I can't let anything happen to you. I-I can't." Her bottom lip quivered uncontrollably now and tears were not far behind though what she was saying made little sense.

The warmth of Reid's hands atop her own caused her to finally go quiet, at least for a moment, and focus on him. By now tears were falling down her cheeks and her upper chest was quivering from being short of breath which she was desperately trying to get under control. She had no idea how she got to this state of tears and worry, but she was trying to grab the reigns again and to quit looking like such a loon even as he spoke about her father.

"I- I- I don't hate him. I don't." She tried to convey how she felt to him but she just ended up going in loops. She wasn't even sure what she wanted to say. So many thoughts were tossing around all at once in the confines of her mind, even the very random data analyst couldn't make sense of it. "I-I'm just messed up Spence." She finally confided quietly with the weakest of forced smiles. Obviously fake, an attempt at making *him* feel better as opposed to herself.

"I'm broken." She confessed in a tired meak voice, as though she was a toy that had simply had its leg accidentally ripped off. But this was Krys' logic and how she thought about things. It was a perplex yet simple system... All at once. She had forgiven her father, something no one that knew the story would ever understand. She had long ago. He was a somewhat different man now, but some scars never went away. There were the physical ones, like the ones on her back, and then the ones in her heart. Those both would probably never fade.

"I mean look Spencer." Reaching up she, without warning, pulled at the upper shoulder of her hoodie to reveal about 2 inches of skin on her back. Already the beginning of two scars (though nearly her flesh tone color) were visible. "Look at me." Teary brown eyes filled with disgust and sadness just stared at that piece of exposed flesh. "How is this good?" Her brown eyes turned to look at him, as if pleading for an answer that would cease her awful thoughts. An excuse. A reason. Anything. He was the boy genius. He would know.

Shaking her head she instinctively scooted a few inches away from him on the couch, suddenly feeling like a leper. Like she was infected and if she so much as breathed on him wrong he would get it to. She wanted to spare him. Maybe it was a bad idea coming here. Staring at her lap in quiet she lightly crossed her arms over her chest, hunching over some. "I think Hotch is mad at me." She confessed quietly, barely audible. In her mind Aaron Hotchner blamed her for whatever had happened to her son. Totally untrue but Krys Robin's brilliant brain was quickly unwraveling since the capture and no one could pick up the pieces.

Running her hands through her brown hair she shook her head, still looking to the floor. "I can't sit by and watch bad things happen to the people I care about." Her head turned sideways, looking at him now. "To the people I love." Now she wasn't outrightly saying it, to be safe, nor was she confessing it. These were just the ramblings of a very tired individual. "How can I do my job if I can't even fall asleep in a hotel room?" And for no reason in particular she burst into outright tears.

There was no shame anymore and she curled right up on the edge of the couch, purposely putting some distance between them (still trying to be considerate of Reid's space). All curled up she burried her face in the couch cushion, fists clenching trying to maintain what little dignity she could find only to come up empty. Feeling so alone...

[Dr. Spencer Reid]

"I can't let anything happen to you Spence. I just can't." Again the words echoed through Reid's head. Could she really mean what she was saying? Could her mind be trusted in thins kind of state? In a way it was more reliable because she couldn't keep all the things that she meant to keep inside inside. But Reid wasn't one hundred precent sure at that point. Could this really have a fairy tail ending. Could the prince and princesses find each other and finally be able to be together. After all that Spencer had seen in the world he kind of doubted that it could be that way. He had seen happy marriages go down the drain because of their child's murder, or kidnapping. Or the kindest person in a small town be brutally murdered by a psychopath. Things happened to good people, even if he didn't want to believe it. Actually most everything that happens is to someone that didn't deserve it. Life in the BAU teaches you that. Then there as the fact that the two of them had a track record, not just looking at their pasts but looking at their jobs. How could anyone work where they do and not get into trouble. Those who work in the FBI life expectancy are far lower than most other peoples. Then there was the divorce rate of the BAU. Hotch's seemingly happy marriage had gone down the drain, along with Gideon's, and all three of Rossi's. Why should his be any different.

But just because the facts pointed to one thing didn't mean that it would turn out that way, or, in Oliver's words, that you shouldn't try. That was how Krys was thinking. That bad things happened to her, thus no one should ever be allowed to get near to her, so she didn't hurt them. And Reid refused to think that way. There had to be some light in the dark world. There had to be something to look forward, to live for. And Spencer saw that in Krys. As long as she was there, he could believe in miracles and fairy tail endings. That life could be good. Hundreds of people lived happy lives together with only small tragedies, meaning Reid had a chance to be happy, even if in the past he wasn't always. He had to look to the future.

"Krys, Krys, Krys." He said repeatedly trying to come the now hysteric girl. It was her fear that she was going to hurt Reid that was causing her to sob. She was so determined to be able to control everything that happened around her. So determined that she was wrong and the world was right. That she was the cause of all the bad that had happened. Reid of course thought that it was a punch of crap, but unlike other people he understood where she was coming from. And it wasn't completely from his profiling experiences. But also from his own past experiences. When you live a life that everything seems to go wrong then how can you not end up thinking that it's your fault. "You wont let anything happen to me. I know that. But not being near you is more pain than anything that could ever happen to me. Whether your cruised or not I will always be there beside you, no matter what." He said hoping that she wouldn't read into anything but the part that he said he couldn't stand not being with her. Sure it might make he feel worse, but it was the truth, and maybe by some miracle she would understand.

"I-I'm just messed up Spence." Reid genitally stroked a hand across her cheek, wiping some of the tears away. "Your not messed up." He said finding it hard to speak in that moment. He wanted to make it crystal clear to her that she was as perfect as she could ever hope to be. And that what her father did to her didn't matter to him at all. But he couldn't find a way to voice it. Everything he thought would have sounded cruel if said out loud. Reid looked at her fake smile, not fooled for a second, but still couldn't help but give her a smile reassuring smile back. "Your not Broken." He said choking on a few sobs. Again he couldn't find the words to say. What could you do when it was the only think she knew? Even if it wasn't even close to being true.

When Krys pulled her jacket down just enough to show off the beginnings of the scars Reid had seen when the plane crashed. It took him by surprise but he only let it show in his eyes for a moment. The next moment they were filled with concern. He hated that she thought the scars marked her as bad. That they were a sign of the things in the past. Taking a large breath Reid reached out his hand, hoovering it for a moment, a little unsure of what he was about to do, then placed it on her shoulder, even after she shied away. "There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing wrong with the scars. Their from the past. And the past doesn't matter. It's over. They don't have to be part of who you are now." He wanted to say more but again found that his voice failed him. He let his hand fall to his lap and looking at it there wondering if anything he was saying was making sense.

"I think Hotch is mad at me." Reid actually let out a small laugh at that. It wasn't that he thought that it was funny Hotch was mad at her. Because he knew what it felt like. He laughed because it was true, and that he had been there. The unit chief wasn't always the nicest man. He was a great mentor and would get you where you needed to be, but might add in a little tiff love. What Reid thought that was funny was that she cared a lot about what the other man thought, and she wasn't even on his team. But then that was typical Krys Robin, care for everyone else's emotions but her own. "Hotch knows that it wasn't your fault." He said, hoping that she wouldn't take the laugh the wrong way. "He's just emotional right now, He needs time to coll off, then he'll be there for you." Reid said looking up at her soft brown eyes.

"To the people I love." Reid's heart skipped a beat when he heard this. He had to try very hard not to make any small noses at the words. Did it really mean what he thought? For several moments he found his mind in a foggy haze. Before finally he was able to pull his thoughts together. "Fear is natural." He muttered in a weak voice. His own tiredness was finally catching up to him. He blinked a couple of times before continuing. "After what you went through it makes sense you can't sleep. I couldn't sleep after I went through it." He said with out thinking. Of course he was referring to Tobias Hankel and what had happened there, a story that Krys had yet to here. And one that Reid didn't want to share just yet. As soon as he realized the mistake he made he hoped that she didn't catch it. Maybe even thought he was talking about now, because after all he couldn't sleep. Sighing he watched as Krys forced herself farther and farther away. He wanted nothing more than to follow her down the couch, but he knew that she wanted to be alone. So instead he just moved a few inches closer and placed a hand on her leg.

[Krys Robin]

Spencer's hand on her shoulder, as brief a moment as it was, had caused tingles through her burning skin. Her throat had gone completely dry and she couldn't help but stare at him in awe and adoration with teary brown eyes, cries momentarily quiet. Her nose bright red from how stuffy it had become. This moment of calm and light headedness was shortlived however, for soon Spencer seemed to retract and retreat back into himself, perhaps questioning his action.

Curled up on the end of the couch her tears stung her face. They were salty, wet, and she was becoming annoyed by their presence. She did her best to wipe them away with the top of her arm which was covered by the old hoodie she wore to bed. It was a boy's hoodie but not of an ex boyfriend, it was just another example of Krys' odd style and that if something was the right color or comfortable enough (along with hiding enough skin), she would wear it. There was another reason for wearing a hoodie to bed though and this was because she had a light case of anemia and often found herself cold, even in the summer nights. Occasionally she tool her iron but sometimes, in the midst of things she forgot, and it wasn't like skipping a few doses was fatal. No where near it in fact.

She felt so alone on the edge of the couch and so badly wanted Spencer to just hold her, to lie down with her and provide a little comfort. But even tired she couldn't outrightly ask, not just yet. She was so aggressive otherwise, even among friends, but when it came to her own personal needs she was mute. She just couldn't find the courage to voice what she wanted because she feared, no matter how illogical, that the desires would have been dubbed as stupid. She wouldn't be able to handle that coming from Spencer who she cared so deeply about.

His hand on her leg was surprisingly comforting and despite the fact that it was a touch initiated by someone else, Krys made no move to get away or retract. Instead she just laid all curled up on his couch allowing the tears to flow as she stared off into nothingness blankly. It wasn't until she heard Spencer's words mentioning briefly what he went through that she lifted her head. Blinking back tears she wiped at her face once more. "What you went through?" Had Spencer been through an ordeal like this? Suddenly she felt absolutely silly, being as destroyed as she was if Spencer had been through something similiar and was doing just fine (to everyone's eyes anyways).

Shifting a bit on the couch, still somewhat hesitant but the drive to try and understand what her friend meant, pushed her into a seated position beside him. Her shakey fair hands folded in her lap so to keep from nervously trembling like a coward she looked at him gently. "Spence." She swallowed, trying to prepare herself to ask something that would have been difficult for anyone considering the circumstances. Still she felt the need to justify her curiosity that had always lingered. "When we talk you always seem to... Understand what I'm going through." Hopefully this all made sense. Really she wasn't sure. "Why is that? Did something happen to you?" Her tone was soft, featherlight, afraid of treading too hard and breaking him.

[Dr. Spencer Reid]

Reid felt a kind of comfort when Krys moved more to him, or that she didn't fight off his loving touch on her leg. He was glade that there seemed to be some sort of progress there, even if it wasn't that much, or else most people wouldn't have seen it as that. But he did. She wasn't as distant as she had been. Maybe she might be able to sleep in a while, once all this was out in the open. What he didn't like was that she was asking about his past. He knew that it was hypocritical that he forced her to share so much of herself with him and he refused to talk about what had happened to him. He knew that she had a right to know, about all the stuff he was hiding. Not only was there the abduction there was his mother and what had happened with his father. And the drug addiction, which was connected with the abduction, yet he probably tell it with the story. There were only a few people that Reid felt like he could tell them anything, and Krys was one of them, yet he couldn't find the will to tell her.

He looked away, now it was his time to look ashamed and sad. But he knew he had to tell her. Looking back up he moved a little closer to Krys, wanting to let her know that he was there, and wouldn't distance himself from her. Even if that was the one thing he wanted to do in that moment. Taking a large breath he said, "It was 2007.... We were working a case when JJ and I went to interview a man we thought might have seen the UNSUB.... It turned out he was the... he was the UNSUB..." Reid was forced to stop a moment. "I was taken.... The UNSUB turned out to have MPD with three personalities.... One actually saved me..." He tried to smile but failed. "The others.... beat me... and drugged me... and..." Again he had to stop. He was close to losing it, but he couldn't with Krys around. "I was saved though. The team found me in time, just like you." He knew that this story would be able to help her move on, see that if he could do so could she. "It took a while, but soon I was back to normal..." He was thinking of the duladin, his own way of dealing with the pain, as well as the fact that he had gotten several doses by Tobias. Yet he couldn't tell her about that... He couldn't find it in him to give that same piece of himself up. It was one thing he wished would have never happened.

There was a long pause as he regained control of himself. Looking into Krys' eyes he sighed and added, "It'll be okay.. The pain passes. The nightmares go away. I know you will get through this." He reached out his hand and grabbed on of her own. It was cold and Reid rubbed it through his for a moment, like Krys had done on the steps of the FBI building the night they had the ice cream. It was his turn to make her feel better.

[Krys Robin]

Her teary, tired brown eyes slowly moved from the shy gaze directed at her lab back onto Spencer as he recounted and confided what had happened to him. Her brow, which had previously been wrinkled in pain from her own crying, slowly fell away into blankness as she took in the information. Something that had felt so horrible happening to her had happened to the young man that she cared a great deal about who was sitting right next to her. She wasn't the only one who was hurting, and though everyone hurt in different levels, her attention that had once been focused on her own insides tearing herself to bits were now focused to Spencer, a man who she cared so much for who was also in pain. She hated seeing him hurt more than anything else in the entire world.

"I'm sorry Spencer." Krys whispered quietly as her eyes met with his filled with complete, genuine honesty. What was ironic about it all was that despite her attention being redirected she was now beginning to cry despite her best efforts because it hurt to think that Spencer had been hurt. How silly was that? She would give anything to take it all away from him and to bare it on her own if it allowed him one minute of peace. She cared for the man that deeply and immensely.

She felt his hand atop hers and for a moment she broke their gazes' contact in order to look down and admire what had happened. She took a quiet, slow inhale and though her hands were shakey from strength and nerves, she turned her hand over and dared to entangle her fingers with his. Their palms met and a warmth was created that caused a flutter in her chest that she couldn't possibly describe. A part of her, at being nervous, wished to ramble off facts like usual but somehow she kept that urge at bay. But another urge now took over.

As she looked back up at him, lips slightly parted, brown eyes unsure she felt the urge to decrease the amount of space between them. It was an unfamiliar feeling but a very nerve racking one that caused her chest to tighten. Her breath became caught in her throat for a moment but she managed to swallow it down like a pill but it didn't remove the feeling. "Spence-" Her voice came out as a very weak, meak warning, more for his own sake than hers as she began to lean forward to close the distance between them and their lips.

Her head slightly tilted as it neared its destination though if he wanted to pull away he very well could have. The only reason Krys was actually attempting any of this was because she was so tired that she couldn't process thought and that meant there was no voice screaming 'DON'T' which often lingered whenever she was with him. So close... Krys hadn't done this very often: kiss. Let alone initiate one, or attempt to. But she was no school girl when it came to such actions, but as everything was with her, this gesture was honest, affectionate, and nervous. And she was so close to kissing him. Closer. Closer still. Inching closer and closer until... In leaning forward she managed to knock a pillow from the couch.

Retracting before any contact was made she shyly looked away, embarassed at what she had been about to do. Like a puppy that had piddled on the carpet and knew very well that they were caught. She retracted immediately within herself before moving down to the floor on her knees so to pick up the pillow that had fallen. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.." She apologized quietly without even looking at the object of her affections, desperately avoiding his gaze though it was left vague what exactly she was apologizing for.

[Dr. Spencer Reid]

"It was a long time ago." Reid answered to Krys' 'I'm sorry.' And in truth it was. It didn't haunt him as much any more. It had been over two years now, and though th nightmares still some times came back for the most part it was over and gone. Yet never forgotten. Now that he had gotten it out he found that it was stupid for him to be so worried about telling her in the first place. Like he said it wasn't a big deal. Many people had been through worse. Krys had been through worse. Reid had been only held captive a few days, she had been for seven. And there was a very large gap between the two.

As she felt like she had to take up his pains for her own, he felt the same about her. He hated to see her hurt. He would have rather it happen to him, then her. That's why he had pushed her out of the room when the virus threatened them. That's why he couldn't sleep. He loved her. And he would do anything to protect her. That was all there was to it.

It wasn't until Krys' soft voice muttered his name that he realized the room had fallen silent. He smiled at her, not sure why she had said his name, but knowing that he wanted to let her know that he was okay. That there was nothing to be scared about. That she would be able to get through this. Even if she thought that there was no way she could. There was always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just had to know where to look to find it.

A moment later Reid noticed the small advance Krys was making toward him. He didn't move, did blink, just waited. He wasn't sure what she was doing, couldn't be sure, but he knew what he wanted to do. He knew what he wanted her to do. Yet he still couldn't move. What if he was wrong? That would cause an even awkwarder moment. It took ever inch of himself not to move in the tiny distance left between the two. His lips parted slightly as he prepared himself. Yet a second later Krys moved away and was on the floor picking up a pillow, saying that she was sorry. Reid sat still for a what seemed liked forever yet in truth it was a few second. In that time he put the pieces together. There was only one thing he could do in that moment, and he wanted to do it.

"I'm not." He muttered and moved the distance between them. He placed one hand on the pack of her head the other on her back. Looking into her eyes he moved in for the kiss. Something that he had wanted to do for a long time. He held her there for as long as he could. There was no more fear that it was the wrong thing to do.